In the footsteps of the Oakland School District the Association of Southern Schools is pursuing taxpayer dollars through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "y'allbonics," as language to be taught in all Southern schools. The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in
improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't heard from
him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother
from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck,
that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in
my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that
Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

CHEER - (adverb) In this place.
Usage: Just set that bare rat cheer.

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn
country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ARE!"

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war
fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n
haze laf."

SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".

VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.

Logan5

I looked all over http://www.theonion.com but I could not find the article where you got this information.

Crash

Aw..c'mon Logan..can't y'all come up with something newer than that?
BB

We get the onion delivered to local restaurants and coffee shops around here. Really takes the edge off the real news.

To bad they don't take submissions. If you've never seen it before and you have a sense of humor about our society, check it out. Also, their books are excellent.

Dont need the Onion. to hear silly ways to waste tax dollars, Just read the Newspaper. Plenty of silly stories on ways the goverment is wasting our hard earned dollars. One example is the supreme court ruling on our Pledge of Allegiance. We are in sad times indeed