TARMAC (Toowoomba Amateur Radio Model Aero Club) (Vale View, Queensland, Australia)

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Nov 17, 2016, 09:42 PM
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Funny Stuff

Something I found ages back.

"My name is Ian, and 1 have been asked to write to you about flying control line model aircraft. Dad bought me an old kit and motor at a garage sale. It is a Sabre Trainer. The motor is a diesel of 2.5 cc. Dad says it means 2.5 cubic inches. Is this right? Buying the fuel here is very expensive. Dad saved me money by making a control handle out of an old door handle and made up a set of 50 ft lines, saving more money.
I finally got it going, and Dad let it go for me. But all it would do was run around on the ground making lots of dust and blue smoke. Our next-door neighbour, Bob, drove over with his fire tanker. He said it looked like a fire was going. It is quite dry here. Bob told Dad he knew about models as he had a go with radio. (What is it?) He helped me put the motor he sold me into the trainer. So when Bob and I tried the model the other day the motor was really screaming. Bob used a battery to start the motor. What is this for?
Anyway, I kept crashing the silly thing. After repairs Bob told me to glue a bit of wood under the tail plane? To limit down control and make it easy to fly, he said it now would not dive so badly into the ground.
The next time we tried the model it bounced into the air. I could not control it properly. Pulling full down into the wind it climbed too steep and I had full up to stop it on the down wind side. I was very excited as I was now flying the model even though 1 had to keep running across the-paddock, to keep the lines tight. The funny thing was that the model appeared to be getting further away from me. In my excitement 1 did not realise how far 1 had run until the bang and a bloomin' big flash with lots of sparks. Dad was upset about the cost to reconnect the power to the house. The man from the power supply gave us a lecture for cutting the wire.
Bob said the 20 lb nylon control lines were not strong enough and stretched too much. Is this correct? Bob found me a set of single strand steel lines, so we repaired it with Bob's suggestions.
As Dad had paid for the model, he wanted to try and fly it, like I did. Bob started and tuned the motor, and I let it go. It was fast, and OK for about half the circle, then suddenly swerved at Dad. He tried to pull the lines tight with his left hand. This did not work. As the model reached the other side the lines broke with a twang. The model cartwheeled across the paddock until it hit our stud bull. (what a racket!) When the vet came he wanted to know how Dad managed to run over its knockers with the ride-on mower as they were so lacerated. Dad was quite mad about it. The vet said there was a 50/50 chance that the bull would be OK. Mum told me not to worry for now about the bull, as by the time Dad gets out of hospital after surgery to his thumb and finger badly cut by the lines we will know if the bull is OK.
Was Bob's advice to make the outside wing longer for more weight on the outside of the circle for more line tension OK? Was 50 ft the right length for the lines? As the motor Bob sold me is an Enya 50 CX, is it too heavy? is the model too small?
We rebuilt the model and fitted the Enya. Bob said it was not fast enough and to use smaller props (7 x 4 or 7 x 6). 1 found the model hard to hold as Bob tuned it. It did vibrate a lot. And Bob and I got frustrated with the props disappearing. I now realise it must have been dangerous as the chooks down the paddock would suddenly keel over. It dawned on Bob what was happening when Mum's prize cat jumped a mile off the fence with an ear-splitting scream. Bob and I got quite a lot of bites and scratches as we caught and held him to pull half a prop blade out of the poor cat, and took him to another vet. Bob had a hard time trying to tell the vet that the cat was not shot. We didn't tell Mum about it.
Is Bob correct when he says smaller props spin faster so you get more speed from the model? If so, what props do we need?
After a lot of repairs Bob said it was time to try again, with lines and a new handle by Cox with the lines joined to give us 50 ft length. The wing is centred, the slop off the elevators, weight in outside wing (Bob read the plans). Bob is going to help me fly it if Dad will let it go.
1 hope Dad will help, as he has been quite angry since Mum came home from her check up at the doctor's. Something about forgetting a pill some 4 months ago.
Bob showed the model to Dad and it was OK. Bob started and tuned it, and he and I went into the centre. Bob told Dad to let it go.
Well, it went like a rocket!
1 do not remember much about the wild ride with Bob and Dad yelling all the time, especially with Bob yelling "Up", "Down", "Up", "Down", as I was quite sick from looking at the model and the trees flashing past so quickly. 1 got pretty giddy. (Can you get pills to stop this, like car sickness?)
I must admit as soon as the pull on the lines stopped I was a tad relieved that it was all over. Well, almost. Dad was screaming about the house again. I lifted my head from where I was on the, ground (don't remember getting there). All I could see was several models heading towards the house, but to my relief instead of the house it hit the out-house like a bomb, with bits everywhere and a lot of noise.
Dad and Bob got Mum out of the dunny it must have hit just as she was coming out and she passed out with shock. After the ambulance left Dad gave Bob and me quite a serve. He was fed up with the whole bit. I thought I was in big trouble. When Mum came home a few days later, for some reason Dad was all smiles. I found this quite strange, as Mum was still upset.
What a shock. Dad has offered to replace the model and motor if we are more careful and we fly further from the house.
Will you please answer my letter and suggest a suitable motor and plane as 1 don't want to go through this again. Bob is talking about a Makepeace or something, and his OS 46 FX. He says it will go!! Is he right?
Bob says if you get good at this you can win prizes by diving at the ground and missing. Is this true?
Hoping to hear from you, Ian."
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Nov 18, 2016, 12:50 AM
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More funny stuff from Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen.
Last edited by Graeme Marion; Nov 18, 2016 at 01:22 AM.
Nov 24, 2016, 06:49 PM
Registered User
WHY I WANT TO BE A PILOT (By little Jimmy.)

When I grow up I want to be a pilot because it's a fun job
and easy to do. That's why there are so many pilots flying
around these days.

Pilots don't need much school. They just have to learn to
read numbers so they can read their instruments.

I guess they should be able to read a road map, too.

Pilots should be brave to they won't get scared if it's foggy
and they can't see, or if a wing or motor falls off.

Pilots have to have good eyes to see through the clouds,
and they can't be afraid of thunder or lightning because
they are much closer to them than we are.

The salary pilots make is another thing I like. They make
more money than they know what to do with. This is
because most people think that flying a plane is
dangerous, except pilots don't because they know how
easy it is.

I hope I don't get airsick because I get carsick and if I get
airsick, I couldn't be a pilot and then I would have to go to
Nov 24, 2016, 06:59 PM
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Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen.
Dec 04, 2016, 04:27 PM
Registered User
The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of flying
Douglas Adams, 'The Hitch-Hikers Guide To The Galaxy,'

There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying.
The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at
the ground and miss.

Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.

The first part is easy.
All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself
forward with all your weight, and willingness not to mind
that it's going to hurt.

That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground.

Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are
really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail
to miss it fairly hard.

Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which
presents the difficulties.

One problem is that you have to miss the ground
accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss
the ground because you won't. You have to have your
attention suddenly distracted by something else when
you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking
about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's
going to hurt if you fail to miss it.

It is notoriously difficult to prise your attention away
from these three things during the split second you have
at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their
eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and
spectacular sport.

If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention
momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a
gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according
to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going
off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely
rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then
in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely
and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what
might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.

This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration.
Bob and float, float and bob. Ignore all considerations of
your own weight and simply let yourself waft higher.

Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point
because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.
They are most likely to say something along the lines of,
'Good God, you can't possibly be flying!'
It is vitally important not to believe them or they will
suddenly be right.

Waft higher and higher.
Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the
treetops breathing regularly.


When you have done this a few times you will find the
moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier
to achieve. You will then learn all sorts of things about how
to control your flight, your speed, your manoeuvrability,
and the trick usually lies in not thinking too hard about
whatever you want to do, but just allowing it to happen as
if it was going to anyway.

You will also learn about how to land properly, which is
something you will almost certainly cock up, and cock up
badly, on your first attempt.

There are private flying clubs you can join which help you
achieve the all-important moment of distraction. They
hire people with surprising bodies or opinions to leap out
from behind bushes and exhibit and/or explain them at
the critical moments. Few genuine hitch-hikers will be
able to afford to join these clubs, but some may be able
to get temporary employment at them.
Dec 04, 2016, 04:36 PM
Registered User
Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen.
Feb 03, 2017, 03:59 AM
Registered User
A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty seat in first class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her the seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm young and beautiful, and have never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here all the way, until we get to New York." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the Captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again, the blonde replies, in exactly the same way.The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the Co-pilot. The Co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "Thank you so much, now I understand". She hugs the Co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, asked the Co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York."
Mar 16, 2017, 04:45 AM
Registered User
Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen.
Mar 16, 2017, 04:55 AM
Registered User
Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen.
Aug 09, 2017, 09:10 AM
Registered User
Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen.
Last edited by Graeme Marion; Aug 09, 2017 at 09:20 AM.
Sep 18, 2017, 06:54 AM
Registered User
Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen.
Oct 02, 2017, 07:27 AM
Registered User
Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen.
Oct 15, 2017, 12:27 AM
Registered User
Ballard Street by Jerry Van Amerongen.

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