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Oct 01, 2013, 02:49 PM
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The Adventures of an Illiterate Solicitor.


To set the scene, it's a lovely Monday night, and I'm up on a ladder, 20 feet off the ground, covered in paint and stucco patch busting my hump trying to get my house ready to sell... when I see him.

Mid 20's, collard shirt, clipboard and credentials on a lanyard.

Soliciting punk: [staring at the “No Soliciting” sign conspicuously displayed on my front door] "Hey there... I was just about to knock on your door. You the king of the castle?"

Me: "No. My wife is. What do you need?"

SP: "Your vote."

M: [on my way down the ladder covered in evidence of messy repairs] "Nah, you need reading lessons. The sign on the door says 'No Soliciting'".

SP: "Yeah, I saw that, but I'm not selling anything."

M: "Well thank God. Prostitution is illegal"

SP: "Huh?"

M: "The only aspect of solicitation that deals with trading services for money, by definition, is prostitution. You AREN'T a prostitute....... are you?"

SP: "Well no, but..."

M: "Then why are you still here?? Go away, and have a good night."

SP: "But I'm not selling anything!"

M: "You've established that. I'm sure your parents are thrilled you haven't succumbed to the world’s oldest profession. Kudos to you. Now take another look at the sign, and go away."

SP: "Wow. You're a jerk."

M: "Yes. I'm also literate, and value my privacy.... and that's two of the defining differences between us."

SP: "Huh?"

M: "Why are you still here?"

SP: [apparently forgetting he just called me a jerk] "We need your vote."

M: "Who do you represent?"

SP: "Why?"

M: "As lf this moment, I'm launching my campaign against him/her."

SP: "Oh... never mind." [scurries away]



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Oct 01, 2013, 06:14 PM
Closed Account
Thats awesome.
Nov 29, 2013, 04:04 PM
No conspiracy in theory
skorski's Avatar
I've put this in my favorites & re-read it every once in awhile.........
Also e-mailed it to everyone in my contacts list, thanks for the chuckles!
Mike.
Dec 02, 2013, 08:15 AM
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Originally Posted by skorski
I've put this in my favorites & re-read it every once in awhile.........
Also e-mailed it to everyone in my contacts list, thanks for the chuckles!
Mike.
I do what I can, and ask so very little in return.
May 27, 2014, 03:46 PM
Redacted per NSA "suggestion"
dedStik's Avatar
I absolutely love it.

Sorry for not having read it sooner.


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