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Jan 13, 2021, 01:44 PM
CC (Certified Curmudgeon)
flyerinokc's Avatar
Sounds like a pretty crappy joke!
Jan 13, 2021, 05:01 PM
CC (Certified Curmudgeon)
flyerinokc's Avatar

Wellness


I have found I feel much happier since I changed from coffee to morning orange juice.

My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I really think it's the vodka.
Jan 16, 2021, 08:15 PM
Dinosaur
Twodor's Avatar
A British fighter pilot was shot down over German occupied airspace and was captured by the Nazis on the ground. He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my base the next time you send a bombing mission?"

The Nazis figured there was no harm in it and the leg was dropped in the next raid.

A week later, his other leg succumbed to his injuries and had to be amputated, and again, he asked his captors to drop in over the base on the next raid, and again they obliged.

The next week his arm succumbed to injuries and it was amputated. Again, he asked the German guards to have it dropped over his base on the next raid. The German barked at him "Nein!"

The pilot asked, "Why not? You've done it before!"

"We think you are trying to escape!"
Jan 17, 2021, 06:09 PM
Bellanca Kruesair
epoxyearl's Avatar
My insurance agent asked me why I need three cars ?
I said "I Have the Car Owner Virus."

-I'll see myself out....
Jan 18, 2021, 04:48 AM
Registered User
Beerwiser's Avatar
Lol, epoxyearl. My agent knows better than to ask questions........ 13 insured and registered ATM. They don't have a problem cashing my checks though.
Can't Cash My Checks - Jamey Johnson (7 min 18 sec)
Jan 18, 2021, 03:12 PM
Bellanca Kruesair
epoxyearl's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beerwiser
Lol, epoxyearl. My agent knows better than to ask questions........ 13 insured and registered ATM. They don't have a problem cashing my checks though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw6Fvox0HSg
Jan 18, 2021, 05:34 PM
Bellanca Kruesair
epoxyearl's Avatar
I was drunk , and swallowed some scrabble tiles , thinking they were crackers..
I rushed to the Doctor and he said it could spell disaster for me.
Jan 18, 2021, 08:51 PM
Dinosaur
Twodor's Avatar
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job; one was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk . He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great , you should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return, two o'clock and no hired hand, finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace sipping a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her: "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed : "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly: "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said : "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
Jan 21, 2021, 06:47 AM
Was a lookin fer loomyum foral
Chophop's Avatar
The purpose of the '60's and '70's was to make us able to say, if we made it through THAT we can make it through anything.
Jan 21, 2021, 08:54 AM
CC (Certified Curmudgeon)
flyerinokc's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twodor
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job; one was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk . He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great , you should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return, two o'clock and no hired hand, finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace sipping a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her: "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed : "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly: "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said : "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
So are you still working there or did she run you off?
Jan 22, 2021, 01:58 AM
I'd rather be flying!
turboparker's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by flyerinokc
I have found I feel much happier since I changed from coffee to morning orange juice.

My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I really think it's the vodka.
ROFL!

Joel
Latest blog entry: Eflite 2.1m Carbon-Z Cub SS
Jan 23, 2021, 07:43 PM
Sponsored by my Wife
JEanes's Avatar

viagra


the ingredients have been made public......high doses of sugar and ...fix-a-flat !
Jan 24, 2021, 08:15 AM
Registered User
Larry Dudeck's Avatar
I think he meant "pubic" ingredients
Jan 26, 2021, 05:20 AM
Registered User
Genitally shaken but not stirred
Jan 28, 2021, 10:44 AM
Registered User
Pavel Pankratov's Avatar
Nostalgia?


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