Once a man was waiting for a taxi.
A beggar came along and asked him for some money.
The man ignored him.
But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him.
The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him.
He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you."
"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea".
He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him.
Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man.
But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you?".
The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like."
Business government style
It is the month of July; a resort town sits next to the shore. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
One day a rich tourist comes to town.
He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 dollar bill on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The Butcher takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off the debt with the 100 dollar bill to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollar bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
A few moments later, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 dollar bill, after saying he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the Australian Government is doing business today.
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card
and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card
and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut,
and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies,
'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'
The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card
and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and
'Becoming More Successful.'
Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill
the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.'
The Member of Parliament is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament
lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country
and the Members of Parliament. ...
Three buddies stop for the night at a hotel. The room rate is $25 a night, max occupancy of two tenants. There's only one room left, however, and the night clerk gives it to the three of them for $30. Each man chips in $10, and they go to sleep.
In the morning, there's a knock at the door. It's the bell boy. He says the day manager found out what the night clerk did, and that it's against the law. The most they can charge for the room is the published rate of $25. The bellboy hands over five $1 bills.
Not wanting to figure out how to split up $5 between themselves, the three buddies each take back a dollar, and give the bell hop a $2 tip.
Having each paid with a $10 bill and receiving $1 back, the cost of the room for each man is now $9.
So... $9 times 3 men comes to $27. Plus the $2 tip... makes $29.
What happened to the extra $1?
Things Found Only in Americafrom Joke of the Day
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of
a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large
fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open
and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns
in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with
A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
He says, "OK, Get in the car with it."
The wife says, "Where shall I put it to get it warm?"
He says, "Put it between your legs. It's nice and warm there."
"But what about the smell?" said the wife.
"Just hold its little nose."
The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'
'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this? ' The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.' Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,
'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:30?'
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