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Jan 20, 2010, 08:45 AM
slow but inefficient
Ron Williams's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billymac
The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska.

He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote for Obama hat and a Save the Trees shirt.

The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing Go Sarah shirts came racing up.

One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest.

The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp.

Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear.

Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck

The other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them men over to him.

"I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed.

"I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the heck was that guy?"

"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied.

"He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know crap about bear hunting!

By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"
Due to the recent decline in Democrats in Massachusetts due to mysterious disappearances (often in proximity to Alaskan pickup trucks) the local citizens have seen a marked increase in Republicanism as evidenced in yesterday's election.
Jan 20, 2010, 01:38 PM
RCG -Minus Member
microflitedude's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron Williams
Due to the recent decline in Democrats in Massachusetts due to mysterious disappearances (often in proximity to Alaskan pickup trucks) the local citizens have seen a marked increase in Republicanism as evidenced in yesterday's election.
yes scott really did it. stuff like this only happened a few times in history.
Jan 20, 2010, 01:40 PM
RCG -Minus Member
microflitedude's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xpress..
NBC...

Nuthen But CRAP!
So true, so true.
Jan 20, 2010, 10:26 PM
In a little camper
Billymac's Avatar
Why is it when your wife gets pregnant all her friends rub her belly and say "Congratulations!"


But none of the women rubs your d*&^ and says "Good Job!!!"


WHY???
Jan 20, 2010, 10:28 PM
In a little camper
Billymac's Avatar
I hear there is more Democratic bait available in Mass.......
Jan 21, 2010, 07:45 AM
In the 20' glider range
anti-gravity's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billymac
Why is it when your wife gets pregnant all her friends rub her belly and say "Congratulations!"


But none of the women rubs your d*&^ and says "Good Job!!!"


WHY???
They are jelouse
Jan 21, 2010, 08:18 AM
RCG -Minus Member
microflitedude's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by anti-gravity
They are jelouse
i dunno...
Jan 21, 2010, 03:18 PM
Taking care of the pond.
MILLERTIME's Avatar
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain tithe baby's father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out.
They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
How ever, as the labor progressed, the husband felt Fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The Doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
Jan 21, 2010, 04:20 PM
In the 20' glider range
anti-gravity's Avatar
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Jan 21, 2010, 05:33 PM
RCG -Minus Member
microflitedude's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by anti-gravity
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
second that!
Jan 21, 2010, 06:05 PM
Registered User
Pudknocker71's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by microflitedude
second that!
Third!
Jan 21, 2010, 06:08 PM
RCG -Minus Member
microflitedude's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pudknocker71
Third!
fourth! wups i was second. lol
Jan 21, 2010, 06:08 PM
Registered User
Pudknocker71's Avatar
> Little Christian Humor

> This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in awhile!
>
> Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better
> on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God
> was tired of hearing all the bickering.

> Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to
> set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I
> will judge who does the better job.'

> So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
>
>
> They moused.

>
> They faxed.
>
>
They e-mailed.
>
>
> They e-mailed with attachments.
>
>
> They downloaded.


> They did spreadsheets!

>
> They wrote reports.
>
>
They created labels and cards.
>

> They created charts and graphs.
>
>
> They did some genealogy reports .
>
>
> They did every job known to man.
>
>
> Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
>
>
> Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed
> across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power
> went off..
>
>
> Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known
> in the underworld.
>
>
> Jesus just sighed..
>
>
> Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
> computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
>
>
> 'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went
> out!'

>
> Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
> past two hours of work.

>
> Satan observed this and became irate.
>

> 'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all
> his work and I don't have any?
>

>
> God just shrugged and said,
>
>
>
>






JESUS SAVES....
Jan 21, 2010, 06:12 PM
RCG -Minus Member
microflitedude's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pudknocker71
> Little Christian Humor

> This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in awhile!
>
> Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better
> on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God
> was tired of hearing all the bickering.

> Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to
> set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I
> will judge who does the better job.'

> So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
>
>
> They moused.

>
> They faxed.
>
>
They e-mailed.
>
>
> They e-mailed with attachments.
>
>
> They downloaded.


> They did spreadsheets!

>
> They wrote reports.
>
>
They created labels and cards.
>

> They created charts and graphs.
>
>
> They did some genealogy reports .
>
>
> They did every job known to man.
>
>
> Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
>
>
> Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed
> across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power
> went off..
>
>
> Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known
> in the underworld.
>
>
> Jesus just sighed..
>
>
> Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
> computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
>
>
> 'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went
> out!'

>
> Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the
> past two hours of work.

>
> Satan observed this and became irate.
>

> 'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all
> his work and I don't have any?
>

>
> God just shrugged and said,
>
>
>
>






JESUS SAVES....
great one! the non-dirty ones are always better.
Jan 22, 2010, 09:54 AM
Don't look at me like that....
62pilot's Avatar
Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teenager Is In Trouble

10. Sometimes stays in bed until after 5 am.

9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without their bonnets.

8. Shows up at barn raising in full " Kiss" makeup.

7. When you criticize him, he yells, " You Sucketh"

6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by Jeb Daddy.

5. Defiantly says, " If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."

4. You come upon his secret stash of colored socks.

3. Uses slang expressions like, " Talk to the hand, cause the beard aint listenin"

2. Was recently pulled over for driving under the influence of cottage cheese.

And the number one sign is.

1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.


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