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Old Jan 31, 2013, 06:20 AM
clinth01 is offline
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Vertical Arrival Specialist
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Quote:
Originally Posted by acetech09 View Post
Engineers always win.
Except when they have a brain fart and decide to take on the cheif draftsman.

I can either make them look really good, or unbelievably incomptetent and bad
Old Feb 01, 2013, 12:09 PM
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xxx
Last edited by Chophop; Feb 01, 2013 at 04:47 PM.
Old Feb 04, 2013, 10:08 PM
aeronca52 is offline
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Culper Junior
Next year's Super Bowl will be played at a Motel 6 because they will keep the lights on for you.
Old Feb 04, 2013, 10:16 PM
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Maybe the electrician did a super-bowl at the Super Bowl.
Old Feb 05, 2013, 10:52 PM
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Duh
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Australian, an Indonesian, an American, a German, a Peruvian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Maltese, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, a Kazahk, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Dane, a Ugandan, a Nigerian, a Frenchman, a Colombian, an Argentinian and a South African went to a night club.
The bouncer stopped them at the door and said: "Sorry, you can't enter without a Thai."
Old Feb 06, 2013, 06:12 PM
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The Singaporean should have lied...
Old Feb 07, 2013, 11:04 AM
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He already had lied, because he was a Malaysian. But they had no Czech to pay for the dinner anyway.
Old Feb 07, 2013, 01:32 PM
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"Free" in Christ! #F3P
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Clever!

Free
Old Feb 07, 2013, 09:08 PM
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Were they at the club to make a pot of genetic roulette ?
Old Feb 08, 2013, 06:13 AM
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Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser!
Old Feb 08, 2013, 02:46 PM
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David Drowns
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Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never
Driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'

The driver said, 'No problem. Have at it.'

Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.

The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.

The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo then got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.

He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. 'I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.'

The supervisor asked, 'Is it the governor?'

The young trooper said, 'No, he's more important than that.'

The supervisor said, 'Oh, so it's the president.'

The young trooper said, 'No, he's even more Important than that.'

After a moment,the supervisor finally asked, 'Well then, who is it?'

The young trooper said, 'I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'
Old Feb 08, 2013, 10:53 PM
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What M&M's does Tattoo like ?
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The plain, the plain !

Fantasy Island TV Show Opening Theme Season One 1978 (1 min 36 sec)
Old Feb 10, 2013, 10:41 AM
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Joke regarding the recent 'Horse meat found in Tesco Store beefburgers' scandal..

I went into Tescos cafe and ordered tea and a burger. The assistant said 'Would you like anything on your burger? I said 'Yes - five pounds to win
Old Feb 10, 2013, 05:38 PM
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Culper Junior

Definition of 'Service'


Confused

I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service'
U.S. Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable TV 'Service'
State, City, County & Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.

BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.
You are now as enlightened as I am.
Old Feb 10, 2013, 10:57 PM
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The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."


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