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Aug 20, 2012, 11:36 PM
I think I'm inverted. Maybe.
acetech09's Avatar
My response to that? Turn your computer's sound on and Push the Button.
Aug 25, 2012, 03:47 PM
Foamies for life! #f3p
Not Free's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billymac
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, shiloh, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.


Can't stop laughing!!!!!
Aug 27, 2012, 09:22 AM
free bird
Mickey D's Avatar
A bear and a bunny are walking in the woods when the bear said wait here while I take a dump behind the bush, after a few the bear says to the bunny do you have a problem with sht sticking to your fir? No says the bunny, so the bear picks the bunny up and wipes his bum.
Aug 27, 2012, 10:58 AM
Roll on Two !
Chophop's Avatar
quote :

Originally Posted by Billymac
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, shiloh, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

Now if she asked ME if I had a dog I'd say yea but he has enough in his bowl to last til tomorrow. I don't carry one in my wallet, we'll have to stop on the way so I can get some.
Aug 28, 2012, 11:23 AM
Thermite + ice = Big boom.
boaterguy's Avatar
I was talking to a few women today, and one of them asked me if I taped a cucumber to my leg, they all started giggling. I'm still confused.
Aug 28, 2012, 07:46 PM
EIEIEIO Classic is dway ta go!
flyinwalenda's Avatar
WHAT , and WHAT ??
Aug 28, 2012, 07:56 PM
I think I'm inverted. Maybe.
acetech09's Avatar
Hopefully it wasn't a giggle of mockery, rather:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_dcI1wo0HQL...2010%2B653.jpg
Aug 28, 2012, 10:37 PM
Foamies for life! #f3p
Not Free's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by boaterguy
I was talking to a few women today, and one of them asked me if I taped a cucumber to my leg, they all started giggling. I'm still confused.
Women? Aren't you a little young for Women

You mean young females?
Aug 28, 2012, 11:03 PM
Not THAT Ira
Real Ira's Avatar
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's
both stupid and an a******.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
Aug 29, 2012, 01:52 AM
Registered User
TLyttle's Avatar
I guess I should try mine: Temperatura, a singer with a bad attitude...
Aug 29, 2012, 07:06 AM
Roll on Two !
Chophop's Avatar
I was watching NBC's Lester Holt do a report while the hurricane is blowing him around. He is waving around, grabbing his leg to steady himself, his clothes are wet and flapping in the wind.
They should overdub a hurricane rap video of him there.
Aug 30, 2012, 02:05 PM
Thermite + ice = Big boom.
boaterguy's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Not Free
Women? Aren't you a little young for Women

You mean young females?
I told the cops they were under 18 so now it's legal
Aug 30, 2012, 05:47 PM
Foamies for life! #f3p
Not Free's Avatar
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb























Two, but they have to be very small
Aug 30, 2012, 10:19 PM
Night Flying
Ron H's Avatar
The mice, or the bulbs?
Aug 30, 2012, 11:48 PM
"Free" in Christ! #F3P
Free's Avatar
The mice

Free


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