Something my wife sent me - RC Groups
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Jul 17, 2001, 09:26 PM
Tacoma, WA, USA
William A's Avatar

Something my wife sent me

<FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: grey">Female keywords and their meaning:

1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be that the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few
things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"
This word --- followed by any statement ---is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead", sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before decided what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."</FONT></P>

[This message has been edited by William A (edited 07-17-2001).]
Jul 18, 2001, 12:46 AM
Cat With Wings
SassyCat's Avatar
Hey I got that a couple days ago and printed it out to show the gals at work. That and one called "GRITS - Girls Raised In The South" since most of us are born and bred in Texas. Or some other Southern State.

Hmmm, maybe if all the men new the real definitions there wouldn't be as many breakups. How many times I said "Fine" and they just thought I was agreeing with them.

Jul 18, 2001, 03:43 AM
Single-task at best...
tim hooper's Avatar
Life is just so complicated when you're a bloke!

Jul 18, 2001, 03:54 AM
ChrisP's Avatar
At least it's more suitable for the Ezone reader than 'something my girlfriend gave me.'
Jul 18, 2001, 09:27 PM
Tacoma, WA, USA
William A's Avatar
Ya, I almost didn't post it, didn't seem to have anything todo with 'Ezone', then I started to remember how often I'd get a response that sounded like some of these when I brought some new airplane thing home. Now it seems to fit pretty good.

Although now I'm more confused than before.....
Jul 19, 2001, 12:09 AM
Registered User
Woohooo! I am lucky in the fact that my wife Says What She Means; NOTHING is hidden, and after some other previous relationships where the above interpretations were VERY important, she makes life unbelieveably easy. The reciprocal is I say what I mean, and we get along famously.
BTW, Sass, are you one of those watresses that sez "uh huh" when a customer says "thank you"? What ever happened to "you're welcome"? This is my biggest complaint about US eateries, other than serving too much food!
Jul 20, 2001, 12:53 AM
Cat With Wings
SassyCat's Avatar
No way! I say your welcome 99 out of 100 times. That or if someone's talking I just smile. Lots of times I'll say thank you at the same time as them.

I'm beginning to like my job a lot. I have 2 or 3 tables a day that make the whole day worth it, and regular customers that I know I'll always enjoy talking to. And I don't have many guys hitting on me anymore since there are MUCH prettier waitresses working there now.

Too much food? boy is THAT right! I swear we use more to go boxes than anything.