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Old Nov 19, 2002, 07:42 PM
I have no friends
United States, MI, Holland
Joined Dec 1996
3,376 Posts
When does one just say "fooey"'?

As I post this I wonder what will come next.

A little background. I'm 26 in good health (knock on wood), have a college degree, a house, all the fixens for a decent existence, but not wealthy. I don't complain about money, frankly I have no problems even if I'm not a millionaire, just an average guy.

I go to work every day and wonder why. I work as an IT "goffer" for a large company. I started as an administrator in a division of the company that doesn't exist, now I'm in a group that isn't an IT related group as a web developer, something new to me but hey why not. But I don't seem to get any respect for what I do or know, I don't want to be worshiped, but please, a thank you now and then would be great.

I wake up in the morning and regret doing so, frankly I'm misserable. Yes, everyone can go get a "happy pill" and I tried for a bit, but no go. What does one do when every day becomes to much missery?

A few wonderful events to spice up life, a friend started where I work, we talked and hung out and all that, I made the cardinal mistake of loaning her money, she charged me with sexual harrassment as a way to pay me back. Luckily it didn't work, I had proof it was mutual. Had to go to court, still getting money back very slowly. That reputation, even undeserved doesn't help in a conservative company, I hear wispers everywhere I go.

Would love to get out of this rut, but I think it's here to stay. Wifey and I get along OK, she understands what really happened and isn't upset, but holds a grudge nonetheless.

So what to do, well, who knows, but this isn't what I had in mind to tell the truth. No, I'm not looking for the gun, pills blah blah blah, but a nice nap for a month or two wouldn't hurt really. Maybe upon my return I can keep climbing the hill...

Just venting...no biggie. There is only so much therapy you can get from a plane.
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Old Nov 19, 2002, 08:13 PM
Go get them Meg!
lrsudog's Avatar
Cabin 21...
Joined Jan 2001
2,118 Posts
Boy are you in for it...

It doesn't get any easier in my experience.

I think it all comes down to having fun. As I've gotten older I find it harder to have "fun" like I could when I was footloose and fancy free, as they say. Either I don't have fun because it costs money, or I spend money to have fun, but I worry about spending money instead of saving it so it's no fun...

I gotta say though, if you own a house, have a bachelor's degree, and are married already, and are only twenty six, you have taken on a lot of responsabilities that many men don't shoulder until they are in their late twenties/ early thirties. What you have done is impressive, but maybe not all that healthy for you.

Unless you have kids you still have some time to be stupid. Maybe think about living poor for three or four months to save up $$, paying all your bills in advance, and take the two months off you want. Drive around the country. Live on the beach in Australia. Whatever. Sometimes perspective is only available through distance.

And in my opinion, having been pretty happily married for twelve years, if "Wifey" isn't happy with you now, that won't get any better either...


'Course I am probably wrong...
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Old Nov 19, 2002, 08:49 PM
Human Like You
NewbieX's Avatar
Colorado
Joined Feb 2001
1,616 Posts
I've been there to man. I think it comes down to what you want out of life. Gotta make some tough decisions there. Also, you have to want what you already have...you have to appreciate the little joys and know yourself well enough to know what makes you fulfilled.

I hate the word "happy"...like unless we are all driving around elated to be stuck in traffic, we need counseling or pharmaceuticals or a makeover of some type.

As far as work, maybe you should explore a little bit...take the money hit now and maybe you find that thing that makes getting up and going worth while for you. I just recently realized that chasing money isn't all it's cracked up to be and that I can be a little more free with my work life, explore a little, volunteer some and try to find something I enjoy. At least the searching is more interesting than just dragging your butt to an office of horrors .

I think it's also a matter of getting away from mass media. That stuff is constantly trying to convince you that you need this or that, that you aren't as good as someone else or that your life is somehow sub par. Those aren't generally very good mesages to be subjecting yourself too.

Dedicate yourself to something larger, get involved somewhere with the less fortunate, be a big brother or something like that. Helping someone else can be great therapy.

Get active if you already aren't. A good bikeride, pickup game of basketball, jogging or just some spirited frisbee in the park can do wonders. Just an hour a day three times a week of anything is enough. Do your pushups and situps, maybe join a gym or a golf club or something. Whatever strikes your fancy.

You gotta enjoy what you can, not take it all so seriously and not expect to find that NBC version of "happiness". Life can silly, fun, boring, serious...and it can also be excrutiating. Take the good with the bad, wiggle your toes occasionally, count your blessings, everything in moderation, what you get is what you give...blah, blah, blah.

Sorry if I sound preachy or whatever...but I just thought I'd mention some things that work for me.

Maybe read "Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance", "Tuesdays with Morie" or "Ishmael"...just a few of the books out there that can help with the things you are struggling through.

Good Luck and remember you are only human.
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Old Nov 19, 2002, 09:47 PM
aka: Dances with Buzzards
ICTHRMLS's Avatar
TX
Joined Jun 2002
454 Posts
Re: When does one just say "fooey"'?

Quote:
Originally posted by mt_100
But I don't seem to get any respect for what I do or know, I don't want to be worshiped, but please, a thank you now and then would be great.

That I relate to - seems the only time words are said are when a mistake is made. Trust me on this.... not enough thank you's or attaboy's are handed out these days - probably a way of keeping things focused or some other thing they teach those who can't do but are in management. Dale Carnegie said it best... "expect ingratitude" as one of many ways to bring you peace of mind. No preaching here.... just one of many things his book taught me. Good Luck

Forgot to add my mantra..... If you got your health and a set of wheels (transportation means) you can solve all other problems.
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Old Nov 20, 2002, 12:04 AM
Registered User
Don Sims's Avatar
Outside of Dyer, Tn. USA
Joined May 2000
7,135 Posts
One question you need to ask yourself is do you like your job... If so don't sweat what other people say about you. They are going to gossip and you've given them some ammunition. You know what the culture of the company is so get comfortable with yourself and quit worrying about it.
A long time ago at work I saw how a lot of people in the same position as I was died of heart attacks or stressed out, not me I told myself. I started laughing at myself, became a maveric, but still did my best to reach company expectations. Then one day several years later I decided that it wasn't worth the cost and told my wife to get ready, I was retiring. Up until the day I left my job, my supervisor thought I was kidding and they took several weeks to replace me. I had spent over twenty years working 70+ hours a week making a bunch of money and realized one morning that I didn't know who my twins were plus it was hard to look at myself in the mirror at times because of "Expectations" at work.
About a year after retirement, I was driving my wife crazy and she said it was time to do something else. To make a long story short, I'm back in college getting a degree in teaching which is something I love doing. The pay around here stinks but I've got my retirement to fall back on. (I saw the internet bubble before it burst so my retirement has been safe over all.)
We live very simply, (Are cheap) made sure the twins were attending great schools, have seperate hobbies and yet enjoy things together.
It has been amazing that we now have more in savings than we did when I was making six figures. Money is very tight especially with no other income than my retirement so I write reviews to help support this hobby. I feel better about myself and have enjoyed being a part in raising twins instead of the guy who might see the girls a couple of hours a week.
Sometimes you just have to make life changing decisions but be sure to involve your spouse. I've told mine that when she dies, I'm selling out, moving to the Florida Keys and living on a sailboat.
Don
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Old Nov 20, 2002, 06:00 AM
Single-task at best...
tim hooper's Avatar
Telford, UK
Joined Feb 2000
7,500 Posts
mt,

It took a few years to realise that I didn't want to be one of the corporate over-achievers. So I took on a simpler job, lowered the stress, cut the hours (and by extention the pay) & now Mrs H and I have a gloriously simple low-profile life.

Outgoings are minimal, whilst disposable income gets to pay for the toys.

Mind you, I'm in my mid-40's; the kids have left home, the mortgage is low, etc.

Seems to me you've hit your mid-life crisi a couple of decades early!

Only advice is; the stress isn't worth dying for.

tim
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Old Nov 20, 2002, 08:29 AM
Registered User
Melbourne, Victoria, Oz.
Joined Oct 2000
316 Posts
In a nutshell it all comes down to this. If you are not happy you are not going to be able to make anyone else happy for any extended period of time. Weigh up your options. If your "wifey" (what an awful and belittiling term) and your relationship are important enough to you then get out of the job, It's only a way to make money after all. If your work is more important than the "wifey", have the good grace to allow her a real life elsewhere. It is impossible to be stuck in the middle as you are and get any satisfaction out of life, no one is that clever. If there is no Joy in your life now there never will be until you change it. I'd look at making some choices soon before other people make them for you.

Hugh

There are always two choices, even in front of a firing squad you can have a blindfold or not.......
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Old Nov 20, 2002, 09:25 AM
Registered User
Pepperell, MA, USA
Joined Jan 2001
2,567 Posts
it isn't that life is so short, it is that you are dead so long.


Get out and have some fun, you never know when it ends.
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Old Nov 20, 2002, 11:25 AM
I have no friends
United States, MI, Holland
Joined Dec 1996
3,376 Posts
HA! THat last one was great!!!! Got a good kick out of it!

Thank you all, it's nice to get some insight once and awhile.
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Old Nov 20, 2002, 02:05 PM
Registered User
Tucson, AZ, USA
Joined Sep 2000
800 Posts
Get a dog ....feed him regularly and don't kick him and you'll always have at least on friend you can talk to unjudgementally...

Jim

(hey it works for me.....)
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Old Nov 20, 2002, 02:51 PM
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Tony Oliver's Avatar
North-East England
Joined Mar 2002
3,402 Posts
You will hear all the cliches - mine is 'life isn't a rehearsal' - this is it! Do what you must do, and take along with you those who are of a similar persuasion.

I too had the feelings you're going through, at a little later than you. The saying that youth is wasted on the young, is right - you've got that point and know the difference. Now isn't a crisis, more an opportunity to put into effect the vague ideas of who and what you are. It's easier to lead than to be led, and you will find that others will willingly follow as most people prefer to be led unless they can produce better solutions. Discuss it with your 'wifey' who no doubt will be very surprised. We mere males are not known for our soul-searching and sharing of thoughts. You may find she is equally disenchanted with the present situation and has her own ideas (which she is unlikely to have mentioned to you, as we - again as mere males - are expected to know without being prompted in any way).

Reading how some people applied their personal philosophy is also a good idea - try Richard Bach's books. The aviation slant makes them all the more readable.

You cannot change the way others decide to think of you, as they often put a slant on it as a way of reducing their own problems and the way they feel about themselves - guilt!
They don't know the full facts so why take any notice? You can't go through life waiting for everyone to approve of you.

The main thing is not to sit around forever - move forward or sideways into new ways, just don't go back or stand still. There are many fine pleasant and likeable people out there. Unfortunately the ratbags get undue publicity, but forget them - it's easy once you start, and they are pathetic disfunctional types anyway.

Finally, it's a mistake to live to work - try the opposite. If working was all that wonderful, the aristocracy, or it's equivalent where you live, would hog the lot - and they haven't!

Good luck

Tony
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Old Nov 20, 2002, 03:10 PM
Leave me alone!
Martin Hunter's Avatar
Kamloops, BC, Canada
Joined Feb 2002
15,106 Posts
Re: When does one just say "fooey"'?

Quote:
Originally posted by mt_100
...Just venting...no biggie. There is only so much therapy you can get from a plane.
No advice to give here - just some understanding.

Martin
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Old Nov 20, 2002, 03:36 PM
DNA
registered user
DNA's Avatar
NE Ohio
Joined Jun 2001
3,311 Posts
There is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So work like you don't need the money,
love like you've never been hurt,
and dance like no one's watching.
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Old Nov 20, 2002, 03:53 PM
Almost a Pilot
Mauilvr's Avatar
NorCal
Joined Oct 2001
3,760 Posts
DNA,
Well said.
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Old Nov 20, 2002, 05:00 PM
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Michael Bogh's Avatar
Mount Vernon Skagit, Washington, United States
Joined Dec 2001
449 Posts
Hideho all,

I have always subscribed to the idea that it's more important to make a life than a living......

Try to find satisfaction in what you do, and not rely on others comments, good or bad to define who you are.

Many men I know have trouble seperating that what they do for a living, is not nessesarly who/what they are...as a human being.
Good luck to you ,and for the record, this too, shall pass.
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