|Jan 08, 2008, 08:21 PM|
homeade chuck jokes
The ruskis did not originally call the world's largest nuke, made by them, the tzar bomba. it was called the chuck kickau.
Chuck Norris tossed a grain of sand so hard, that when it landed, it blew up Hiroshima. that's why Hiroshima translates to Chuck norris Ass whooping.
There was no bomb dropped at Nagasaki. just Chuck Norris lighting his own fart.
Chuck norris asassinated hitler by thinking of roundhouse kicking Hitler from his house. in Kansas.
Nasa has no rocket progam. they have Chuck Norris and fireworks.
|Jan 27, 2008, 10:44 AM|
Heres a few I made up, not knowing if anyone beat me to them.
We have elephants because Chuck Norris kicked the fur off of mammoths.
Hurricanes happen because Chuck Norris farted.
Snow is white because Chuck Noris kicked the color off the flakes. All of them, one kick.
|Feb 06, 2008, 03:27 AM|
Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity - twice !
When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isnt lifting himself up, he is pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
His house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
He grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
Google search "Chuck Norris getting kicked", you will generate 0 results. It just doesn't happen.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square until Chuck Norris kicked one of the corners off.
He once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. It made him blink !
His every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was a result of a morning jog.
Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Chuck Norris, there is no other way !
|Feb 06, 2008, 05:14 AM|
|Feb 06, 2008, 06:12 AM|
In August 2005 Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands. After finishing off 10 kegs of Milwaukees Best and 2 barbequed tiger sharks Mr.T asked Vin Diesel to pull his finger. At the exact moment that Vin Diesel pulled Mr. T's finger Chuck Norris round house kicked Mr. T in the stomach "for fun". The resulting flatulence refered to by most as "Hurricane Katrina" has cost over $1.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans. To help aliviate his conscious Chuck will provide free "Roundhouse Kick" seminars to the hurricane victims. As for Mr. T he will simply pity the fools.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with his ancestry, it's because he ate a Jeep.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will become handicapped if you park there.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.
Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.
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