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Old Nov 22, 2005, 12:40 AM
Fly it like you stole it..
Tram's Avatar
Florence, Al
Joined Oct 2000
29,310 Posts
...

....
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Last edited by Tram; Nov 22, 2005 at 05:06 PM.
Old Nov 22, 2005, 12:55 AM
Eye Drather Beef Lying
ElectRick's Avatar
Jacksonville, FL
Joined Aug 2002
2,696 Posts
Thought number one: Next time you speak to her and she asks what's up, say something like, "oh, (insert sexy-sounding female name here) and I were just about to go hang out at her place for a while...", and toss in "but it's not like that, we're just friends"--then stand by for the response.

After she calms down (it may take days), you can then tell her why you said (but not necessarily did) it.

Good luck.

Rick
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Old Nov 22, 2005, 01:06 AM
Fly it like you stole it..
Tram's Avatar
Florence, Al
Joined Oct 2000
29,310 Posts
Yeh, I've already asked her about that... She didn't have much of a response...
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Old Nov 22, 2005, 01:41 AM
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LTChip's Avatar
Helena, MT
Joined Feb 2003
2,919 Posts
First thought -

FiancÚ <> 300 miles away ??

Need to know more details to determine if you are:
A. Being reasonable in your objection
B. Being hoodwinked by a hussy
C. Being an over possessive ogre
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Old Nov 22, 2005, 02:10 AM
Almost a Pilot
Mauilvr's Avatar
NorCal
Joined Oct 2001
3,760 Posts
It also could be her way of trying to get you to NOT be 300 miles away.
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Old Nov 22, 2005, 06:14 AM
Registered User
Belfast / Dublin
Joined May 2004
1,554 Posts
I agree with Chip, on the face of it, it's impossible to say ...Ric has a good point too

you could always just tell her that it irks you, that you're not trying to be possessive but that it doesn't make you feel good to know she's hanging out with x y or z, but you leave yourself open to the charge of being unreasonable... Approach the whole thing in a very calm and considered way with her - consider her side of the story, this will requirea stretch of the imagination. Keep an open mind.

whatever you do, don't bottle it up, or it will leak into another area and poison it.

big bird
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Old Nov 22, 2005, 08:52 AM
Size Matters!
RocketRob's Avatar
San Francisco Bay Area
Joined Dec 2002
2,654 Posts
Quote:
(insert sexy-sounding female name here)
My flight instructor "Franchesca" got my wife's attention....something about the vision of us sitting tight together in a little 152 visiting all the airports around So Cal and San Diego, having dinners and some 1 on 1 ground instruction...... not that I ever called her name out in my sleep I don't think....



This is a tough one. Sorta a damned if you do and damned if you don't.

You gotta find your own balance, to much jealousy and they pick up on it and resent it. Too little and they think you don't really care.

My wife is/was a competitive dancer and has many male friends. You just have to give them the very best you can that no other guy can compete with
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Old Nov 22, 2005, 09:33 AM
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sarge's Avatar
Fayetteville, NC
Joined Dec 2002
2,239 Posts
My wife is in the Army. Virtually ALL of her professional co-workers are male. It is inevitable (and professionally desirable) that she make friends with-in her peer group at work. The Army is a bit of an insular society, Soldiers tend to stick together. I am left with the option of trusting her or being constantly worried. I hate worrying, so I choose not to. Of course, I also know that not all of her male friends view their relationship in the same platonic way she does. I ain't a fool. I KNOW guys - I are one. My solution, I don't worry in the absence of clear evidence that there is something to worry about, and I keep my bayonet sharp!
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Old Nov 22, 2005, 09:39 AM
In Development Now
Indiana_Geoff's Avatar
Joined May 2005
448 Posts
Tram,

This is huge. You cannot let it pass.

Go talk to her face to face and see what is up. At the end it should be clear that she is to avoid private situations with men at all costs. When that is not possible you should know about it and it should be in completely public settings.

Good luck man. You are getting ready to learn a lot about your future wife's character. Thank goodness you are learning it now and now after the Marriage.

The thing that must be crystal is that you get to decide what's right and wrong when it comes to her male friends. Likewise, she gets to rule on your relationships with women.
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Old Nov 22, 2005, 10:36 AM
Eye Drather Beef Lying
ElectRick's Avatar
Jacksonville, FL
Joined Aug 2002
2,696 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Indiana_Geoff
Tram,

This is huge. You cannot let it pass.

Go talk to her face to face and see what is up. At the end it should be clear that she is to avoid private situations with men at all costs. When that is not possible you should know about it and it should be in completely public settings.

Good luck man. You are getting ready to learn a lot about your future wife's character. Thank goodness you are learning it now and now after the Marriage.

The thing that must be crystal is that you get to decide what's right and wrong when it comes to her male friends. Likewise, she gets to rule on your relationships with women.
That sounds a little harsh, juvenile, and unrealistic to me, frankly. What if she has a male dentist (or any other professional acquaintance)? There will be times when it's just her and the man together in the room.

Demanding she avoid ALL one on one situations with any adult male is unrealistic, and speaks poorly of the mutual trust that should be there if things are serious enough to be engaged to one another.

If a guy can't trust his lady enough by the time she's wearing his ring--a) to remember who she's committed to, and b) to firmly shut down any other men making passes at her--to the point that he has to lay down such restrictive ground rules, then he should probably be reconsidering his decision to marry her. And vice versa.

Just my 2 cents.

Rick
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Old Nov 22, 2005, 11:23 AM
Fly it like you stole it..
Tram's Avatar
Florence, Al
Joined Oct 2000
29,310 Posts
....
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Last edited by Tram; Nov 22, 2005 at 04:10 PM.
Old Nov 22, 2005, 11:29 AM
Almost a Pilot
Mauilvr's Avatar
NorCal
Joined Oct 2001
3,760 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tram
The whole time I was talking to her she just kept saying "just come home... just come home..."
That's what I thought.

She's worth it (I've seen her pics ) - go home to your lady. It's never wise to leave a good one alone too long.
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Old Nov 22, 2005, 11:31 AM
Fly it like you stole it..
Tram's Avatar
Florence, Al
Joined Oct 2000
29,310 Posts
....
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Last edited by Tram; Nov 22, 2005 at 04:09 PM.
Old Nov 22, 2005, 11:33 AM
Suspended Account
Joined Apr 2004
2,020 Posts
Beings my wife is in the Navy,,she has many male friends..with that said..she doesnt ask or feel the need to hang out with them {go to lunch/ military gatherings/etc..} to me relationships always comes down to putting yourself in the other persons shoes..and asking if it would be allright to act the same way...
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Old Nov 22, 2005, 01:02 PM
Non-Discriminatory User
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Joined Mar 2003
1,741 Posts
If it looks like a rat....and it smells like a rat......if you can't figure that out you have just met your first x wife.

sorry tough love.
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