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Old Jan 21, 2002, 06:47 AM
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Don Sims's Avatar
Outside of Dyer, Tn. USA
Joined May 2000
7,135 Posts
Rave
"Out of the mouths of babes!" These are cute!

As the saying goes ...
"Out of the mouths of babes!"
These are cute!

>A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers
>passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat,
>the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me
>Daddy, I'm under five."
>
> ><>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< +<>< + <>< + <>< + <><
>
>A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his
>cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
>
>"Sixteen," the boy responded.
>
>His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you
>know that?"
>
>"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like
>the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
>
> ><>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< +<>< + <>< + <>< + <><
>
>After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
>announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when
>I grow up."
>
>"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
>
>"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday
>anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than
>to sit and listen."
>
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>
>A 6- year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church
>service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who
>passed trash against us."
>
> ><>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< +<>< + <>< + <>< + <><
>
>A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon." How do you
>know what to say?" he asked.
>
>"Why, God tells me."
>
>"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
>
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>
>A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and
>on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if
>we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
>
> ><>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< +<>< + <>< + <>< + <><
>
>After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny
>sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked
>him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That
>priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want
>to stay with you guys!"
>
> ><>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< +<>< + <>< + <>< + <><
>
>Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their
>favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which
>showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it
>was meant to represent. "The flight to Egypt," said Kyle.
>
>"I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri
>said.
>
>"But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot.
>
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>
>The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you
>say prayers before eating?"
>
>"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good
>cook."
>
>
> ><>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< +<>< + <>< + <>< + <><
>
>A college drama group presented a play in which one character would
>stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand
>below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the
>character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the
>actor playing the part became ill, another
>actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor
>announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and
>the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of
>tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the
>balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
>
> ><>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< +<>< + <>< + <>< + <><
>
>Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First
>Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety
>seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still
>and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and
>whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose
>his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It
>worked."
>
> ><>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< + <>< +<>< + <>< + <>< + <><
>
>A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a
>bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the
>book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately
>stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up,
>"Grandpa, did God make you?"
>
>"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
>
>"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
>
>"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
>
>Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting
>better at it, isn't he?"
>
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Old Jan 21, 2002, 09:08 AM
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Worcester, MA.
Joined Nov 2001
1,408 Posts
Yeah, okay Don, some of them are cute. But I think you have WAY too much time on your hands!
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Old Jan 21, 2002, 06:28 PM
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Don Sims's Avatar
Outside of Dyer, Tn. USA
Joined May 2000
7,135 Posts
Actually DB, I just cut em and paste em... Besides that, I try to appease the broadest audience possible with jokes across the spectrum... And yes, I really do have too much time on my hands....
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