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Old Jul 12, 2003, 02:31 PM
Human Like You
NewbieX's Avatar
Colorado
Joined Feb 2001
1,616 Posts
Those of you who are married

How did you meet your wife? What made you a) decide to get married b) decide to marry this particular woman?

Did it happen (fall in love, chance) or did you make a point of making it happen? Was getting married a conscious goal?

Was the desire to raise children a significant part of the decision?

Also, any input from female lurkers certainly appreciated.
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Old Jul 12, 2003, 03:11 PM
Registered User
Tucson, AZ, USA
Joined Sep 2000
794 Posts
Temporary insanity

Jim
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Old Jul 12, 2003, 03:18 PM
Proud father of two.
Mad4Mustangs's Avatar
United States, NC, Lexington
Joined Jan 2003
215 Posts
1 year down

...
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Old Jul 12, 2003, 03:47 PM
Motors beat engines!
Milwaukee Wisconsin, United States
Joined Feb 2001
4,564 Posts
I was introduced to my wife by a workfriend at work. We both noticed each other, but were dating other people and nothing came of it.

About 9 months later we met again at the same friends halloween party, ( coincedentially the same way my parents met), both single this time and hit it off again.

Made a date that night for a couple of days later, and less than two years later we were married.

I was only looking for a steady girlfriend at the time, but we really hit it off and it after a while, it seemed like it would be silly NOT to get married. Joined at the hip emotionally so to speak.

We just had our 15th anniversary a couple of days ago, and I gotta admit, marrying her was one of the smartest things I ever did. Yes, I'm a happy man.

Dean in Milwaukee
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Old Jul 12, 2003, 08:08 PM
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The Other Dave's Avatar
Colorado Front Range, USA, EARTH, Sol system, Milkyway Galaxy
Joined Nov 2001
2,356 Posts
An ex-girlfriend of mine set me up.
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Old Jul 12, 2003, 10:30 PM
Radix malorum est cupiditas
radix2's Avatar
Joined Jul 2000
460 Posts
Re: Those of you who are married

Met at a party I was having at my house (I had invited another young lady, my wife to be came over with the girlfriend of my roomate) - I never did see my date again after that...

After a year or so of dating, mariage seemed that natural thing to do. - but more to your point, I think - getting married (to me at least) means leaving behind the fairly time and effort consuming activity of dating and all it entails. This leaves more energy for other pursuits, and provides an important second viewpoint with which to share experiences. As unromantic as it sounds, having a partner to share life with is just alot easier - you have a core of support behind your endeavours.

Yes, meeting this person was chance (how could it be otherwise), but the goal was being pursued with deliberate action.

unlike many today, I (and she) come from an intact family, all of my siblings (3) (and hers) are also married and none have ever been divorced. (nor any family in law or extended family that I can think of at the moment) - hmmm.

Yes, children were desired as part of the plan, but we waited - and I strongly recommend this, 3 years before having any - I say travel and be a couple for a few years before signing up for a lifetime commitment in child rearing

Oh, and for reference, I have been married 13yrs, 2 kids (10 and 8 yrs)

still happy.
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Old Jul 12, 2003, 11:01 PM
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Wilkes-Barre/Scranton, Pennsylvania, United States
Joined Nov 2000
6,276 Posts
We met at work. She was very attractive and we got along well. I was ready to settle down and so was she. I'm not sure that we were in love at that point or just mutually infatuated. Regardless we have managed to stay happily married for 43 years and have raised a couple of kids along the way.
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Old Jul 13, 2003, 01:26 AM
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Mike C's Avatar
Roxboro, NC U.S.A.
Joined Sep 2000
714 Posts
Went ot one of my girl friends(notice space there) house when she graduated college and my wife was there. We dated for 2 years and have now been married for 10.5 years and are expecting our first child in January 2004. We get along great and have not had a major fight in all this time. We seem to be able to agree to disagree without any baggage attached to it. We do our own things that we enjoy independantly and also do some things together, and seem to have the same long term goals.
As for why I married her the short answer is that it felt right.
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Old Jul 13, 2003, 11:30 AM
Leave me alone!
Martin Hunter's Avatar
Kamloops, BC, Canada
Joined Feb 2002
15,106 Posts
I met Christine (are you ready for this?) on the internet. We met in an IRC chat room, in fact. I did know, however, that she was local. We met in person a day or so later.

The falling in love didn't just happen - at least not on her end. I had to work for it as I knew who I wanted to be with.

How did I know? Well, it's comparison, I suppose. I had enjoyed previous relationships but nothing even remotely close to how much I enjoyed just "being" with Christine, if that makes sense. We could (and still do) blow 2, 3, 4, or even 5 hours just cuddling and talking.

Getting married was not the goal at the beginning but after about 8 months I knew it was surely the place to be. At a year I gave her an engagement ring and we were married 2 years, almost to the day, since we started dating. We've been married for a little over 5 years now, and things just get better.

No, children definately was not a factor - time and commitment was. We see too many people that refer to their significant-other as "wife" or "husband" when it's just common-law. We also see too many people up and leave their common-law spouse on a whim.

The way I see it, actually getting married is the ultimate way of expressing how you feel. Saying "let's just live together" is like leaving yourself an open door for escape or some such.

Er... I've rambled, but I think I answered the questions

Martin
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Old Jul 13, 2003, 02:45 PM
Mr Mootsie
Tim Jonas's Avatar
Pepperell, MA, USA
Joined Jan 2001
2,565 Posts
She was my best friend's sister....no lie. It took me 6 months to get her phone number....as in, "Dude, your sister's hot, what's her phone number?". This, just after we had been out carousing.

I worked my fanny off to make it happen, as I couldn't see my life without her in it.
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Old Jul 13, 2003, 03:48 PM
no place like cloudbase
freeflight's Avatar
Columbus, Ohio
Joined Aug 2002
487 Posts
We met at the neighborhood evening dog party. This was 3 years ago. We have never looked back since. We both feel lucky to be with each other. Oh and we were most worried about putting 2 male terriers together.....they are best buds now!

Leigh
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Old Jul 13, 2003, 04:33 PM
Human Like You
NewbieX's Avatar
Colorado
Joined Feb 2001
1,616 Posts
Thanks for the replies. Keep em comin.
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Old Jul 13, 2003, 05:15 PM
Registered User
mikefast's Avatar
Houston Intercont, Texas, United States
Joined Jun 2001
122 Posts
The first time, we met in a school assembly room. She and my room mate had been seeing each other and were sitting on a couch about a foot apart, and just to bug him, I sat between them and introduced myself to her. After about twenty minutes of small talk, he got up and left, I asked her for a date and that was the beginning of a wonderful 43 year marriage. She passed away in 1998. The second one I met on the internet. She was in Ky. and I was in Tx. By the time I flew to meet her, we had already fallen in love. I proposed a week after we met the first time, and we were married two months later. That has been three years ago, and it has been great. The reason I got married both times was I felt here was a woman I could not live without
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Old Jul 13, 2003, 11:34 PM
Registered User
Hastings, Hawkes Bay, New Zealand (Aotearoa)
Joined Feb 2000
1,453 Posts
I met my partner through a mutual friend whilst I was still married. We were just friends. Then one day I woke up with the realization that I was falling in love with my friend. My feelings for my husband had been on the decline as we had drifted apart with different interests and priorities. We had never really argued or fought, until the day I told him I was in love with another man. ( The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life).

My only regret is not coming to the realization sooner, at least then there may have been the opportunity for a second chance, but once you heart belongs to someone else there’s not much hope for that.

That was about 4 years ago now. My partner Ian and I are very happy and have no plans for marriage in the near future. My ex husband will still cross the street to avoid me even now.

There is a song by Paul Simon which has a line in it that sticks in my head “That Human expectation is that love remains the same.. and when it doesn’t they blame blame blame…”


Heather


PS: Oh and I really like having my maiden name back, always felt like a piece of my identity had gone.
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Old Jul 14, 2003, 12:08 AM
Registered User
Keremeos BC Canada
Joined Dec 2002
369 Posts
My wife had been killed a few years earlier, her husband tried to kill her the year before we got together. We had squat between us, just a mutual trust and admiration. 17 years later we are happy, solvent, giggly teenagers as we approach retirement. Simply too good to b e true...
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