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Old Jun 28, 2012, 12:03 PM
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Yesterday was a pretty bad day. She didn't eat all day. Slept most of it and the confusion that has started a few days ago is getting worse.
She’s been saying things like.
We should get going. Thinking that we need to go home.
Asking if I drove us home. when I’m helping her get dressed.
This list can get pretty long; but you get the idea. The nurses are telling me that it will just keep getting worse.


She’s kinda lost a lot of weight. even though the scale won’t show it. Her arms have gotten so skinny that I can put my hand around her arm; and have my thumb and finger meet almost all the way up to her elbow. But her belly is bigger than it was when she was pregnant due to the swelling of the liver and fluid retention. Her feet are so swollen that they look like a balloon ready to pop; with some toe stubs sticking out.
It's been about 2 or 3 weeks now that she has needed help on the stairs. In the last few days it has progressed to needing help to stand up; sit up; get both legs up on the couch for a nap.
Rick
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Old Jun 28, 2012, 03:30 PM
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You're right, this is a painful thread to read.

We had a death in the family two weeks ago and it reminded me again that "death is a part of life." It doesn't feel like it should be but none of us escape it. It's good that you're here talking about it and getting what support you can from your friends.

I know sometimes it begins to feel like you have two lives, the one on the outside that appears mostly normal to others, and the one on the inside that feels like the world has come to a complete end. It almost starts to feel like you're going insane sometimes. No matter how you cut it, this sort of journey is a brutal experience for everyone.

At the least your wife can be surrounded by love and kindness at the end, and that is not always the case.

Keep on keepin' on brother.


Luke
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Old Jun 28, 2012, 09:41 PM
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Rick,
I am so sorry. I wish so many things.
I belive, even at my age, empathy is one major thing lacking in society.
I have not been in your position.
I have out lived my parents and many others close to me.
The idea of mortality stunned me at an early age, when I lost my grandmother who raised me while my mother fought polio.
The thing is this is not about me, though your blog, has brought a flood of memories.
I could not help but respond to you.
Yes I have walked a while on your shoes with the nursing and the dread.
I have seen the hope leave, but not with my wife.
She is the best thing in my life.
We did not get to have children. I think, for us losing a child would be worse than one of us.
I am sorry for this self pity. I am glad to have survived my mother.
I get the feeling the collective you are still in your youth and just a short time ago had the world in front of you. This really saddens me.
I am not old at 59, but got to share 35 of those years with my Sharon and have done things I never dreamed possible.
I stopped crying at 11, wish I could cry now.
Again take of your self. Peace. Chris
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Old Jun 28, 2012, 11:34 PM
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Surrey BC, Canada
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Hey Rick

I haven't chimed in here for a bit. Marta and I have been praying for you and your family. I still remember when you guys were thrust-ed unwilling down this path. I have never been down this path directly so I really don't know what you guys are going through. But I still really do feel for you guys. I hope the doctors will be able to make her comfortable in her and your last days together.

Keep the updates going

Marta and I will keep you guys in your prayers.

Colin
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Old Jun 29, 2012, 03:07 AM
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Rick,

Really wish I could say something profound to help in this difficult time but I know that's not possible. Just know there are people who care about you and are praying for you and your wife.

Sincerely,
John
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Old Jun 29, 2012, 05:27 PM
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Guys:
I started this blog thread mostly to keep a log of how things were going and to update my friends so I wouldn't be repeating the story over and over again. As I'm a terribly slow typer.
Well yesterday was day two without eating anything and not taking any meds.
Last night didn't sleep too good due to the horrible noises that she was making just trying to breathe; mixed in with the coughing. It even bothered my daughter across the hall in her room.This morning she became unresponsive. Been talking with the home care nurses about hospice. The closest one is in Mission; and it was full. However the one in Chilliwack had space it's about an extra 10 min farther away. This morning I said it was OK to go to the one in Chilliwack and the paper work and the people involved were brought up to speed. And about an hour ago the ambulance came at took her away. At first they were concerned that she would not make it to the hospice. But after giving her oxygen. for a few minutes they were able to get her into the ambulance. Sorta kinda almost stable. That was the part of the move the the paramedic was most concerned about. I just got a phone call from the hospice and she has made it there. And they aren’t sure if she’ll make the stabilize and make the night or not.
Rick
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Old Jun 29, 2012, 10:49 PM
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I got the second call from the hospice. The one that your never ready for.
Tracy passed away at 16:40 a couple of hours after arriving at the hospice.
It's still sinking in. there has been a lot of tears and there are lots more to come.
Chris~ I'm learning how to cry again
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Old Jun 29, 2012, 11:16 PM
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Rick,

Beverly and I are sooooo sorry for your loss...words can't express the hurt that you are feeling right now...

I wish we could be there to give ya a hug buddy...

Our deepest sympathy...

Hang in there buddy...
Sam & Beverly
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Old Jun 30, 2012, 12:29 AM
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Rick, I'm sorry, really sorry. No one can take away the pain you're feeling right now, though I know each of us here wish we could. It feels so helpless even to type some words on this screen... All I can say is that you have a brotherhood supporting you, as feeble as we may all be.

God bless you my friend...


Luke
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Old Jun 30, 2012, 04:34 AM
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Rick,

My thoughts and prayers are with you today my friend.

John
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Old Jun 30, 2012, 11:19 AM
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Rick,

I am very sorry for your loss and can only imagine the anguish. Like many others have said earlier, if I could, I would help take the pain away.

David
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Old Jun 30, 2012, 07:22 PM
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Today has been tough making all the funeral arrangements.
Mostly done and so am I
Rick
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Old Jun 30, 2012, 09:57 PM
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Rick,
I did not understand you have a daughter.
Children are the hope of the world.
Peace. Chris
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Old Jul 01, 2012, 09:24 AM
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Two beautiful kids.
My son graduated from high school last year. And probably has the 19 year old dream job. driving around town all day listening to tunes; delivering parts for a car parts store.

And i am incredibly proud of my daughter and I know my wife would be as well.
Tracy had to finally go on disability this past August. Our daughter still managed to finish grade 11 on the academic honour roll.

Tracy’s funeral will be this Wednesday.
Rick
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Old Jul 02, 2012, 05:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RiBell View Post
Two beautiful kids.
My son graduated from high school last year. And probably has the 19 year old dream job. driving around town all day listening to tunes; delivering parts for a car parts store.

And i am incredibly proud of my daughter and I know my wife would be as well.
Tracy had to finally go on disability this past August. Our daughter still managed to finish grade 11 on the academic honour roll.

Tracy’s funeral will be this Wednesday.
Rick
Two of them youths!
What a void you all will have.
At an age were life is so much about wide eyed living to lose so much is sad.
After all this time devoted to your wife, usurping your collective lives, closing
ranks and being together still can not fill the void.
There may be a sence of relief too.
Witnessing you spouse fight and her pain is nothing one can get used to.
Please don't feel guilty if this feeling comes on.
It took me time to sort that feeling out, after my grand father's loss.
My thoughts are with the collective you. Chris
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