|Mar 18, 2010, 12:48 PM|
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?".
Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. "Shortly after the accident, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
"Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her.'
"Then he said, 'How are YOU feeling?'
|Mar 18, 2010, 01:05 PM|
|Mar 19, 2010, 06:03 PM|
Sorry guys, looks like the morality police has killed another joke AGAIN!
Geez, even after I made sure there where no offensive words used in my offensive joke.
|Mar 23, 2010, 05:21 AM|
|Mar 26, 2010, 03:46 PM|
Jumping on the bed
A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."
The husband said, "What did he say about your 56 year old a (buttocks) ss?"
"Your name never came up," she replied
|Mar 31, 2010, 08:54 PM|
If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?" I asked the children in my Kindergarten Sunday school class.
"NO!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again the answer was, "NO!"
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children and loved my wife, would that get me into heaven?" I asked them again.
Once more they all answered, "NO!"
"Well," I continued, thinking they were a good bit more theologically sophisticated than I had given them credit for, "then how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
|Apr 06, 2010, 06:25 PM|
A shy man went to a pet shop and bought a bird. He walked out and had forgotten to get birdseed. He returned and the shop had several customers. He walked up and barely whispered, I need some seed for the bird.
The shop owner says I can't hear you.
After several attempts the shop owners says come back and tell me when it's more quiet or learn to speak up.
The customer tried again and again over a week.
Then he comes back on the 8th days and yells : MISTER DO YOU STUFF BIRDS ?
The owner says yes I do that in the rear.
The customer yells "STUFF THIS ONE UP YOUR REAR, IT'S DEAD !"
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