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Old Nov 11, 2012, 06:11 PM
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Ha ha, once cut up a lot of fresh jalapeños and well, went… Needless to say I learned a valuable lesson…
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Old Nov 11, 2012, 08:14 PM
no no no, a music gig
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Pleasant Valley Modelport
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Jalapeños will set your toilette paper on fire
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Old Nov 11, 2012, 08:55 PM
no no no, a music gig
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Pleasant Valley Modelport
Joined Sep 2006
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What's the difference between a normal and Gay marriage ?
A normal marriage has one man, one woman and two children.
A Gay marriage has six nuts.

(is that too far out ?)
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Last edited by Chophop; Nov 12, 2012 at 06:59 AM.
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Old Nov 12, 2012, 01:30 AM
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Joined Nov 2007
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While on this topic.
What is the difference between private school and public school ?

In Private school you are taught to wash your hands after a P
In Public School your are taught not to P on your hands
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Old Nov 12, 2012, 03:31 AM
The original Flying Pigs Sqd.
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Netanya, Israel
Joined Aug 2002
9,994 Posts
Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub late in the evening. The officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few metres, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a random breathalyser test.

To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.

The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy".
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Old Nov 12, 2012, 03:48 AM
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Townsville, Australia
Joined Sep 2009
319 Posts
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large black plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. “Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.

Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."
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Old Nov 12, 2012, 09:35 AM
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Kansas
Joined Jul 2005
182 Posts
Just found this quote from Dave Gingery.

"Most of my life was spent in trying to figure out how to do a $50.00 project for 50 cents, and the remainder of my time was spent in trying to scrounge up the 50 cents."

Could have sworn it was my autobiography.
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Old Nov 12, 2012, 06:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chophop View Post
Jalapeños will set your toilette paper on fire
Among other things.
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Old Nov 12, 2012, 07:52 PM
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Ron H's Avatar
Bishopville S.C.
Joined May 2003
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Quote:
Originally Posted by teamlotus View Post
While on this topic.
What is the difference between private school and public school ?

In Private school you are taught to wash your hands after a P
In Public School your are taught not to P on your hands
That's probably because the private schooled kids learned how to pee without assistance.
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Old Nov 12, 2012, 08:24 PM
ein flugel schplinterizer
seanpcola's Avatar
USA, FL, Pensacola
Joined Sep 2004
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron H View Post
That's probably because the private schooled kids learned how to pee without assistance.
And with much higher standards of personal hygiene.
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Old Nov 13, 2012, 04:13 AM
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Bonnie Scotland
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron H View Post
That's probably because the private schooled kids learned how to pee without assistance.
As I understand some privately schooled individuals, most notably British royalty, had someone to do that sort of thing for them. I can't imagine for a moment, Queen Elizabeth II going to the toilet. "One must rise above these things, musn't one Philip?"
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Old Nov 13, 2012, 12:59 PM
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scotland
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200 Posts
here an old one for you.................

watching his daughter saying goodnight to her boyfriend
Dad...."come and see this , he's writing his name in P in the snow"
Mum...." whats wrong with that dear?"
Dad....." THATS OUR DAUGHTERS HANDWRITING!!!!!!!!!!!"
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Old Nov 16, 2012, 07:19 PM
Don't look at me like that....
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United States, AR, McDougal
Joined Aug 2005
2,798 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chophop View Post
has six nuts.
I thinkI just found out whats wrong with Chop.
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Old Nov 16, 2012, 07:33 PM
Culper Junior
eastern pa
Joined Feb 2007
2,195 Posts
He's squirrelly?
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Old Nov 16, 2012, 08:56 PM
no no no, a music gig
Chophop's Avatar
Pleasant Valley Modelport
Joined Sep 2006
8,589 Posts
NOOOOOOOOOooooo ! They live upstairs from me !
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