Originally Posted by clinth01

A man went to a Halloween party with nothing but a naked girl strapped to his back.

"So what are you supposed to be?" the host asked indignantly.

"I'm a snail."

"How can you be a snail when all you've got is that naked girl on your back?"

The man replied, "That's Michelle."



Boom, tish !!!

I don't get it.

And then a rich guy came in and started picking all the hard working folks pockets, the host asked " What are you doing ?"
The guy replied" I'm Rmoney"


Bodda bing, bodda boom.

Originally Posted by 62pilot

I don't get it.

"my shell"

Senior Pick Up Line


You should really be over sixty to even be allowed to read this story.

If you're not, just save it and read it again when you are old enough to appreciate it.

A rather elderly gentleman (mid-eighties) walks into an
upscale cocktail lounge. He is very well-dressed, smelling slightly of an expensive after-shave, hair well-groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel. He presents a suave, well-looked-after image.

Seated at the bar is an elderly fine-looking lady (mid-seventies).

The gentleman walks over, sits along-side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, good
looking, do I come here often?"

"Yes Yes i know I will get a warning!!!!"

Do the warnings get you special features, where do you go to buy stuff with them? If you get enough do then get to be the one giving the warnings or do you just get to see what other people were warned on?

An ageing, white haired man from Sanctuary Cove in Queensland, walked into a jewellery store on the Gold Coast last Friday evening with a beautiful, much younger, woman at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a really special ring for his new girlfriend.

The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, No, that's a mere bauble. I'd like to see something much more special.'

At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $140,000' the jeweller said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'I think we'll take it.'

The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'By cheque.. But I know you'll need to make sure my cheque is good, so I'll write it now, you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and we'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweller angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.'

'I know', said the old man wearily. 'But let me tell you all about my fantastic weekend!!'

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says,
"D d d doc, I've bbeen stttutering ffor yyyears and IIII'm tttired of it. Cccan yyyou hehehelp mmme?"

The doctor says, "Well, I'll have to examine you to see what's going on."

So he examines him and says, "Well I think I know what the problem is.."

The guy says, "Wwwellwwwhatis it, ddoc?"

The doctor says, "Well, it's your willy, it's about a foot long and all the down pressure is putting strain on your vocal cords..."

The guy says, "Wwwat cccan we ddo?"

The doctor advises, "Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one."

The guy says, "Dddeal.....Dddo it!"

The guy has the operation and six weeks later, he comes back into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, you solved the problem and I don't stutter anymore, but I've only had sex once in the past three weeks. My wife doesn't like it anymore. She liked it with my long one. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back on"

The doctor says, "B b b b ugger o o o off. A ddddeal's a dddeal.

Originally Posted by 62pilot

I don't get it.

And then a rich guy came in and started picking all the hard working folks pockets, the host asked " What are you doing ?"
The guy replied" I'm Rmoney"


Bodda bing, bodda boom.

You know you misspelled his name, right?
Tisssss...(rim shot)

It's not Rmoney. It's Mymoney.

Yeah that’s exactly how the political folks look at it… Theirs.

*Puts his hands up*

Sorry... Sorry... no politics. My bad. Didn't mean to start that.

I want my Romney !

Originally Posted by Chophop

I want my Romney !

Chop,

I think you misspelled money.

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by two female teachers,
went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about
thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that
the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s room when
one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began
hoisting the little boy’s up one by one. As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but
notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was
staring, the teacher said, “You must be in the 4th grade.”

“No ma’am, “ he replied. “I’m the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh.”

Originally Posted by aeronca52

You know you misspelled his name, right?
Tisssss...(rim shot)

.
Maybe I did,Maybe I didn't............

A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi.

The Indian driver opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the Cab.

"What's wrong with you, haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

"I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from".

"Well if you're not bloody staring at me, what are you doing then?"

"Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me with?"