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Old Oct 11, 2008, 09:39 PM
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Darth_Elevator's Avatar
The Beautiful Mountains of Utah
Joined Oct 2006
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Rant
Anti-Meteorologist Rant Thread

After being lied to by weather forecasters at least once a month for the past two years (since I took up RC flying), I think it's high time someone started a thread to bash meteorologists.

-----------------------------

Q: How many weathermen does it take to ruin your flying plans?

A: Just one. Any one will do.

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Q: What is meteorology?

A: The study of how to make millions of people hate you, yet trick them into coming back again and again for yet another can of "Hey, dummy, you'll take this weather report and like it."

-----------------------------

Q: If you come across a meteorologist and a lawyer, both buried up to their necks in sand, who would you kick first?

A: 33% chance you'd kick the lawyer first. 33% chance you'd kick the meteorologist first. 33% chance you'd kick the meteorologist, then ask him whether it's going to be windy and rainy Saturday morning.

-----------------------------

But the one question which I don't know the answer to is: How does every single weather forecaster in the state manage to come up with the exact same lie about any given weekend?
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Old Oct 11, 2008, 10:32 PM
swede
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United States, UT, Vineyard
Joined Aug 2005
3,846 Posts
Two words.

"The Meadows"
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Old Oct 12, 2008, 12:47 AM
Sink? Circling now to confirm.
JONBOYLEMON's Avatar
United States, UT, American Fork
Joined May 2002
16,998 Posts
How do you know if a weatherman is lying?
Their lips move.

Funny mental image

Darth and Dan Pope buried up to their necks on the beach @ Utah Lake.



As for today's forecast. Well they REALLY botched it. I'll bet what happened is the front "Collapsed" which caused the jet stream to do a loop de lo, which caused the warm air to stay warmer and the cold air to stay cooler, which caused the moist air to stay moist, which caused the moist air to not get more moistier, which caused the relative humidity to rise in conjunction with the barometer, which kept the cloud base low, which caused my grandmother to drop acid in the microwave & totally freak out and hijack a bus full of penguins!!!!!

Thanks weather guessers!!!!!
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Old Oct 17, 2008, 11:11 AM
Hit Me! Please!
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Provo, UT
Joined Jan 2005
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What's the difference between a meteorologist and a lawer?

The lawyer knows he's lying. (Sorry Cliff)
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Old Apr 14, 2009, 12:18 AM
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Darth_Elevator's Avatar
The Beautiful Mountains of Utah
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Chance of being disappointed by a meteorologist every stinkin' week of your whole life: 100%
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Old Apr 14, 2009, 04:59 PM
Crash happens! :)
Utah
Joined Jun 2002
2,161 Posts
Forecast this week-
30" of snow in the mountains bringing the total up to 140% of normal snow pack. Flooding expected do to high runoff.

Forecast next week-
Snow pack looks grim for the summer months as we are only at 79% of normal. Lakes with only hit 85% capacity so we need to conserve water by only flushing toilets on odd days for odd numbered addresses and even days for even numbered address.

Probability of Lake Stink- 100%
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Old Apr 14, 2009, 05:17 PM
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Darth_Elevator's Avatar
The Beautiful Mountains of Utah
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Lake stink can be caused by just one meteorologist swimming in the lake.
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Old Apr 14, 2009, 07:15 PM
Hit Me! Please!
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Provo, UT
Joined Jan 2005
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Here is one method the weather guessers use.

Quote:
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
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Old Apr 15, 2009, 12:51 AM
Lee
PERFECT LANDING !!!
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USA, UT, Orem
Joined Jul 2004
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A long time ago, in Communist Russia, there was a famous weather man named Rudolf.

He's always had a 100% accuracy rate for his forecasts of the Russian weather conditions. His people loved him and respected him for his faultless foresight. He was particularly good at predicting rain. One night, despite clear skies, he made the prediction on the 6:00pm news broadcast that a violent storm was approaching. It would flood the town in which he and his wife lived. He warned the people to take proper precautions and prepare for the worst.

After he arrived home later that evening, his wife met him at the door and started arguing with him that his weather prediction was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. This time, she said, he had made a terrible mistake. There wasn't a cloud anywhere within 10 miles of the village. As a matter of fact, that day had been the most beautiful day that the town had ever had and it was quite obvious to everyone that it simply wasn't going to rain.

He told her she was to be quiet and listen to him. If he said it was going to rain, IT WAS GOING TO RAIN. He had all of his Russian heritage behind him and he knew what he was talking about. She argued that although he came from a proud heritage, IT STILL WASN'T GOING TO RAIN.

They argued back and forth for hours , so much that they went to bed mad at each other.

During the night, sure enough one of the worst rainstorms hit the village the likes of which they had never seen. That morning when Rudolf and his wife arose, they looked out the window and saw all the water that had fallen that night.

"See," said Rudolf, "I told you it was going to rain." His wife admitted: "Once again your prediction came true. But I want to know, just how were you so accurate, Rudolf?" To which he replied, "You see, Rudolf the Red knows rain dear!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everybody knows about the Fujita Scale which measures the power of tornados. But nobody really knows what all those types of twisters do to COWS. So here is the MOOJITA Scale...
MOOJITA SCALE

M0 Tornado- Cows in an open field are spun around parallel to the wind flow and become mildly annoyed
M1 Tornado- Cows are tipped over and can't get up
M2 Tornado- Cows begin rolling with the wind
M3 Tornado- Cows tumble and bounce
M4 Tornado- Cows are AIRBORN
M5 Tornado- S T E A K ! ! !

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A preacher and his flock at a very poor church in the hills of Tennessee took up collections, baked cakes and washed cars for months to get enough money to buy paint for the church exterior which was bare and weatherbeaten. Finally they went to Walmart and bought enough paint for the job and all joined together on a Saturday morning to complete the job. When they were about half finished they realized that they were going to run out of paint before finishing. The preacher said, "Its a water base paint, just thin it down with water." They continued painting and thinning until the color started losing its depth and when they finally finished it was dark green at the top, light green in the middle and a very light green (almost white) at the bottom. The preacher and his flock were standing on a nearby hill admiring their work when a dark cloud appeared and the heavens opened up with a deluge of rain which washed all of the newly applied paint off the church. The preacher was in tears and the congregation was stunned at all the hard work they had done for nothing.

Just then there was a huge lightening flash followed by the roll of thunder and a loud voice from the heavens rang out, "REPAINT, REPAINT AND THIN NO MORE."
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Old Jun 22, 2009, 02:08 PM
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Darth_Elevator's Avatar
The Beautiful Mountains of Utah
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Have you heard of the book called "Meteorology for Dummies"? Apparently, it's the ONLY book ever written on the subject.

In related news, I believe the monsoon season is finally over. This is based on two indicators that are way better than any of the data that a crummy old meteorologist would rely on.

1. I bought a rain poncho today. Just the fact that I now have one should guarantee at least 6 months of drought.

2. The rain poncho was on sale. The fact that it was on sale in and of itself indicates that no one will need a rain ponch any time soon.
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Old Jun 22, 2009, 02:11 PM
swede
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United States, UT, Vineyard
Joined Aug 2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darth_Elevator
Have you heard of the book called "Meteorology for Dummies"? Apparently, it's the ONLY book ever written on the subject.

In related news, I believe the monsoon season is finally over. This is based on two indicators that are way better than any of the data that a crummy old meteorologist would rely on.

1. I bought a rain poncho today. Just the fact that I now have one should guarantee at least 6 months of drought.

2. The rain poncho was on sale. The fact that it was on sale in and of itself indicates that no one will need a rain ponch any time soon.
I think I'll test the theory and wash my Jeep today.
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Old Jun 22, 2009, 03:21 PM
Fly Smooooooooth
seerspaz's Avatar
Mountains of Utah
Joined Mar 2004
772 Posts
You guys are courting disaster!!!

I really hope we are back to more normal weather. I went out in the Uintas yesterday and was amazed at how much snow was still there in places. Muddy roads, seasonal streams still raging, trees just beginning to leaf out.
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Old Jun 22, 2009, 03:37 PM
Lee
PERFECT LANDING !!!
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USA, UT, Orem
Joined Jul 2004
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I was in the Uintas last Friday and there is so much standing water up there I would like to also predict a plague of mosquitoes in the high country.

In the shade there are 4' piles of snow still at 9500 feet.
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Old Jun 23, 2009, 11:03 AM
How do I change this text?
Darth_Elevator's Avatar
The Beautiful Mountains of Utah
Joined Oct 2006
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Q: Why did the meteorologist move to another part of the country?

A: The climate didn't agree with him.
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Old Jun 23, 2009, 06:24 PM
swede
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United States, UT, Vineyard
Joined Aug 2005
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The Jeep is now clean. Let's see how long it stays that way.
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