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Old Jul 22, 2014, 01:44 AM
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stormysrider's Avatar
Australia, QLD, Numinbah Valley
Joined May 2011
107 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by clinth01 View Post
5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.



Number 5 is my particular favourite.
Reminds me of some advice I was once given for dry and badly cracked lips. It seems you run your finger around the inside of an open septic tank then rub that on your cracked lips. Doesn't do a thing about the cracks but sure as hell stops you licking your lips!!!
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Old Jul 22, 2014, 06:01 AM
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clinth01's Avatar
Townsville, Australia
Joined Sep 2009
319 Posts
Good advice there, stormysrider.

Not a good weekend at the field. I suspect that I was channeling my future 'grumpy old bastard' self.

A particularly painful club member was whining about how difficult the manufacturers instructions were to follow on a stabilisation/gyro gizmo.

I told him I wasn't surprised at his troubles, because everyone knows that 'Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity'.

I then suggested that he 'Aim low, reach his goals, and avoid disappointment'.

I suspect that I've been taken off his Christmas Card list.
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Old Jul 22, 2014, 06:28 AM
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Townsville, Australia
Joined Sep 2009
319 Posts
Speaking of Christmas card lists, I've decided to make an early start with the contents of my cards. It seems that nowadays, everyone has become super precious about the festive season and the traditional good wishes and greetings contained in Christmas cards. You can't say anything without someone getting on their high horse and telling you how insensitive you are.

I have many friends from different racial and religious backgrounds, so this year I am determined to send out a Christmas card to each of them without the included, traditional seasonal greeting upsetting anyone.

The draft is below. Any and all feedback would be welcome.


From me ("the wishor") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee").

Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the northern winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all... and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2015, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that-

* This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.

* This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.

* This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.

* This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.

* This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.

* The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor

* Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour", or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.


All The Very Best For 2015,

CH (The Wishor)
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Old Jul 22, 2014, 07:14 AM
Culper Junior
eastern pa
Joined Feb 2007
2,179 Posts
Merry Christmas clinth!!
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Old Jul 22, 2014, 07:39 AM
Where'd it go? Uh Oh!
Russia, Kamchatka Krai, Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky
Joined Nov 2004
542 Posts
Merry Christmas as well, CH. I apologize for being tardy in my felicitations for a happy Holiday season. I was informed by a high-level, trusted, unimpeachable, mostly accurate unnamed source that the Down Under Christmas is celebrated on June 25, of every year.

That said, I like your Holiday Card sentiments. Have you yet copyrighted them with a greeting card company? Not that I would consider plagiarism or anything like that! Do Australia and the U.S. have a reciprocal copyright treaty?

Cheers,
Grog
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Old Jul 22, 2014, 06:34 PM
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Townsville, Australia
Joined Sep 2009
319 Posts
Actually, we might appear to be upside-down to you, but we don't really celebrate Christmas in June.

That would just be silly - you'd be sure to drown if you jumped in the pool or the surf wearing all your winter clothes.
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Old Jul 24, 2014, 04:44 PM
Its all fun
Tonystott's Avatar
Australia, NSW, Forster
Joined Oct 2004
7,122 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by stormysrider View Post
Reminds me of some advice I was once given for dry and badly cracked lips. It seems you run your finger around the inside of an open septic tank then rub that on your cracked lips. Doesn't do a thing about the cracks but sure as hell stops you licking your lips!!!
A fellow came upon two bikies, and one was inserting his finger in a very private place of his drunken mate.

The fellow said " What are you doing?"
The bikie repied, "Making him throw up to get rid of the alcohol"
"You're supposed to stick you finger down his throat"
The bike replied "I know, that is next"
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Old Today, 07:26 AM
Mach .09 Super Achiever
Chophop's Avatar
Pleasant Valley Modelport
Joined Sep 2006
8,432 Posts
I'm am thinking about ending this personal battle to fly RC and make a company called U-Nex Roofing. Flat rate jobs well done. Our tiles never turn up. We don't hold the ball, the customer does.
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