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Old Jul 27, 2001, 09:28 PM
Question gravity.
KMKAZE's Avatar
Kane County, Il
Joined Sep 2000
1,585 Posts
The ant and the grasshopper,or "THATS NOT FAIR!"

THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER


CLASSIC VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,
the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so
he dies out in the cold.

MODERN VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are
cold and starving.

CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper
next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled
with food. "America" is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be,
that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to
suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
cries, then they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green." Bill and Hillary
Clinton make a special guest appearance on the CBS Evening News to tell a
concerned Dan Rather that they will do everything they can for the
grasshopper who has been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who benefited
unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill refers to it as
"Temperatures of the 80's."

Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton stage a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing "We shall overcome".
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's
sake.

Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has
gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate
tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share". Finally, the EEOC
drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Ant Act", retroactive to the
beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate
number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his
home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal
judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare
recipients who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3:00 PM
when there are no talk shows scheduled. The ant loses the case. The
story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the
ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be
the ant's old house, crumbles around him since he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper
bought by selling most of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton
standing before a wildly applauding group of Democrats announcing that
a new era of "fairness" has dawned in America.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house,
now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once
peaceful neighborhood.
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Old Jul 27, 2001, 09:34 PM
Rotorhead
Luxor's Avatar
Oly, Wa, USA
Joined Jun 2001
331 Posts
Couldn't have hit the nail on the head any better. Eric S.
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Old Jul 27, 2001, 11:16 PM
Registered User
Joined Mar 2001
22 Posts

THE REAL VERSION

Some guy buys a gallon of stuff to spray on his lawn because he wants to kill two friggin weeds. There aint no more ants or grasshoppers, except for the bigger ones that have their DNA changed and now are eating the foundation, his garden and the tires off his SUV.
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Old Jul 28, 2001, 09:11 AM
Registered User
Madison Ms. USA
Joined Jan 2000
614 Posts
Kool one Kaz,I'm going to keep that.

Sligh
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Old Jul 29, 2001, 04:14 AM
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Joined Apr 2001
284 Posts
You forgot Bil Clinton has a fling with Miss Piggy.
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