Thread: Joke Dog diary vs Cat diary
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Old May 11, 2007, 03:48 AM
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Australia, NSW, Forster
Joined Oct 2004
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Dog diary vs Cat diary

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash

or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations

perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my


The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to

disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I

had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly

demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending

comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.


There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed

in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear

the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to

the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to

my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my

tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this

again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The

dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -and seems to be

more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to

be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am

certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective

custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
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