Strange things happen on the Scottish Moors. Especially under the light of a full Moon. Remember "American Werewolf in London"?
So one Saturday night old Ian heads for the pub just as the Moon is rising. Beautiful night. Just a hint of mist in the air.
So Ian goes in and has a dram or two. Maybe more. Comes out at closing time and staggers back home. Might have been a wee dram too much because Ian falls over in the ditch beside the road and passes out.
Next morn two schoolgirls (Mary and Catherine) are heading in to church and see him laying there.
Mary says:"Cat. You ever wonder what's under a Scotsman's Kilt?"
Catherine says:"Yes, I have. I believe I'll have a look."
So she creeps over to Ian and lifts his kilt. In shock she says:"Oh Mary! Tis Gruesome!"
Then Ian wakes up and props himself up on his elbow and says:"Aye lass. And if ya rrub it it'll GRUE some more!"