I used to take everything more seriously.
Then I discovered how little my opinions and actions matter.
I voted in the national election.
The electoral college re-elected a president.
My wife found evidence that a mouse found it's way into the pantry.
Which issue to tackle first?
Wait, NO! not the frying pan!
P.S. caught the mouse in a mousetrap. End of story.
From November 1943, until her demise in June 1945, the American destroyer 'William D. Porter' was often hailed - whenever she entered port or joined other Naval ships - with the greetings: "Don't shoot, we're Republicans!'
For a half a century, the US Navy kept a lid on the details of the incident that prompted this salutation. A Miami news reporter made the first public disclosure in 1958 after he stumbled upon the truth while covering a reunion of the destroyer's crew. The Pentagon reluctantly and tersely confirmed his story, but only a smattering of newspapers took notice.
In 1943, the 'Willie D' -- as the Porter was nicknamed --accidentally fired a live torpedo at the battleship Iowaduring a practice exercise. As if this weren't bad enough, the Iowa was carrying President Franklin D. Roosevelt at the time, along with Secretary of State, Cordell Hull, and all of the country's top W.W.II military brass. They were headed for the Big Three Conference in Tehran , where Roosevelt was to meet Stalin and Churchill. Had the Porter's torpedo struck the Iowa at the aiming point, the last 60 years of world history might have been quite different.
The USS William D Porter (DD-579) was one of hundreds of assembly line destroyers built during the war. They mounted several heavy and light guns, but their main armament consisted of 10 fast-running and accurate torpedoes that carried 500-pound warheads. This destroyer was...Continue Reading
A Congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.
2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security.
All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.
3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.
4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.
5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.
6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.
7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen are void effective 1/1/12.
The American people did not make this contract with Congressmen. Congressmen made all these contracts for themselves. Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, so ours should serve their term(s), then go home and back to work.
When I was a youth, I pretended to be a warrior. The White Knight. Any stick became a sword or gun of mighty power to slay the evil-doers.
My fantasy turned to interest in the study of war. Herr Von Clausewitz
identified war as "politics revealed", imposing one's will over another by force of arms.
I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps.
My orders stated that upon successful completion of recruit training, I would be trained as an anti-aircraft missile systems repairman.
My motivation to complete recruit training almost immediately slipped from being a missile systems repairman to surviving each day. My drill instructors not only taught me to march, THEY taught all of us to eat, sleep, and move as one entity. We learned by lecture, reading, hands-on instruction, observation, and practical application.
My drill-instructors chose me to be first squad leader, then platoon guide. When I didn't please them, THEY demoted me and put pvt Otero in my place (demotion was painful). There was no competition between Otero and I. THEY exploited our strengths as THEY chose to.
At training day 77 we received our next set of orders. Mine said to report to Camp Pendleton, CA for field radio training (govno!).
Training day 78, Graduation! Earned the privilege to wear the Eagle Globe and Anchor of the United States Marine Corps. Graduated as platoon honor man, meritorious promotion to PFC, set of Dress Blues, a Leatherneck watch.
My father traveled to attend the graduation. He said he was proud of me.
Here's hoping your garden is sprouting, the dogs aren't diggin too many holes, your car starts and rolls, the kids launched, their hulls water-tight, your spouse is relatively happy with you, and you had enough for breakfast to start your day.
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so
many others her age, she considered herself to be a very Liberal
Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in Favor of
higher taxes to support more government programs, in other Words
redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch
Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that
she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she
felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to
keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher
taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The
self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to Be the
truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how
she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and
let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was
taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which
left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She
didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many
college friends, because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked , 'How is your friend Audrey
doing?' She replied, ' Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are
Easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0...Continue Reading
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman Montana airport while waiting for their respective flights..
One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East ....
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.'
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward,
'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?'
The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . .
'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet...
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered ...not yelled.
Meanness don't just happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don 't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
In a bid to stem taxpayer losses for bad loans guaranteed by federal housing agencies Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac, Senator Bob Corker (R-Tenn) proposed that borrowers be required to make a minimum 5% down payment in order to qualify.
His proposal was rejected 57-42 on a party-line vote because, as Senator Chris Dodd (D-Conn) explained, "passage of such a requirement would restrict home ownership to only those who can afford it."
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society.
The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist, the parachute.
If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage helicopter fly-ins?[/FONT][/COLOR]
Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.
Real planes use only a single stick to fly.
This is why bulldozers & helicopters -- in that order -- need two.
There are only three things a Captain wants the copilot to ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take the fat one.
As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will.
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your last flight.
There are Rules and there are Laws.
The Rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you.
Laws (of Physics) were ordained by nature.
You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance..
(e.g.., If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)
The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.
He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot;
he that demands one iota more is a fool.
Son, you're going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot.
You can't do both.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline baggage.
You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, you weren't nauseated by the food. So you're grateful.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Reverend Ole is the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road.
One day they were seen pounding a sign into the ground that said:
DA END ISS NEAR!
TURN YERSELF AROUNT
NOW....BAFOR IT'S TOO LATE!
As a car sped past them the driver leaned out his window and yelled, "Leave me alone you Skandihoovian religious nuts!"
From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash... Reverend Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, "Do ya tink maybe DA sign should yust say, "Bridge Out?"
The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a victem wearing shorts, sandals, a "Vote for Obama" hat and a "Save the Trees" shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.
As the Pope watched in horror, a group of loggers wearing "Go Sarah" shirts raced up.
One quickly fired a shot right into the bear's chest. Two other men pulled the semiconscious victem from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly into the bed of their pickup truck. The other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.
As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them men over to him.
"I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between loggers and environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the heck was that guy?"
"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "He may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?"
An economics professor at a local college made a statement that he had never failed a single student before, but had recently failed an entire class. That class had insisted that Obama's socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer.
The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on Obama's plan"..
All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A....
After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.
The second test average was a D! No one was happy.
When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.
As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased as bickering, blame and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.
All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great, but when government takes all the reward away, no one will try or want to succeed.
Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics,
space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious...
So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,
"What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deer tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says,
"So, are you people still happy you voted for Obama?"